i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
