all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
