glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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