I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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