Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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