i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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