remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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