If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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