I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
