I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
