too bad you live with your parents still
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
