i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
