other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
