I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
