you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
