Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Drake has all the answers
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
