Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
