Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
