it wasn't lemon gatorade
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
