sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
