Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize