I just made out with a guy for $7.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
