I forgot how hot balto sounded
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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