bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
