If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
