Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize