just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
