i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
