One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
