During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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