I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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