Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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