ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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