Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
