i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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