I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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