proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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