I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
