Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
