there's paper in my vomit.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
