I'm so fucking centered right now
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
