seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
