big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
