i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
