Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
