I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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