There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
