I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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