Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am full of burrito and curiosity
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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