omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
