I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
