Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
