she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
