Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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