At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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