somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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