Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
