I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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