All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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