brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
