Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
