checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
