why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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