i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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