Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he was CRYING into my vagina
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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