Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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