Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
