We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize