we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
