hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
