I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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