so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
